More stories Part 2

April 23, 2009

It finally happened tonight. Before I ever started teaching at the shelter, I had images of a yoga class touching women in such a way it would bring tears to their eyes, and I knew I would have to fight back my own. I have seen their numbness, I have seen their reluctance and apathy. I have felt their resistance. Tonight, it was beautiful to see them open up. It started with one woman, during our opening discussion about how meditation helps us step back and see the broader picture, how it helps us take a break from playing all the roles that we get so caught up in, almost like instead of being an actor in the movie we get a chance to be in the audience, no longer involved, just a witness. (The first tear and sniffle, everyone turns to look, she nods to say she's ok. They were all just cracking jokes 5 minutes ago but now the room becomes suddenly very serious and quite, now it sounds like the music is blasting because I had to turn it up so loud at the beginning to hear it over all their voices.) Continueing on, meditation also teaches us to connect with that part of ourselves that is our inner beauty, our inner light, the part of us that is already complete and whole, the part of us that can never be broken. Meditation helps us see that beauty inside of us that is always there, and when we connect with this inner beauty and light, it begins to radiate from within. You can feel it in your heart. Even if it is for just the briefest moment, you are reminded that you are filled with love and compassion. Each one of you is a glorious Goddess, and peace starts right here, inside of your heart. (Puffy eyes from all around the room looking at me with such longing, as if to say 'Tell me more, I want to believe this so badly...')

It was a very moving start to a wonderful class. By the time savasana ended, I couldn't get anyone to sit up again to close class. That is always a good sign!

The woman who was rocking herself in the corner of the first class was back again and told me after class how much she loved hearing Loreanna McKennit. I told her I would bring her the cd next time and she lit up like it was Christmas.

The girl with the bright blue eyes also told me how there was a song on the CD I used tonight that was from her favorite movie, Everafter. I told her she could have the CD and she gave me the warmest hug. Music speaks to everyone. So simple, such a healthy escape from reality, yet we take it for granted. It was like by offering these women music that spoke to them it was giving them a chance to take their minds on a vacation to a beautiful peaceful place at their own will.

And then there was the writing that I had asked them to do last time. It turns out, some staff member must have gotten the wrong idea because each woman had written me a thank-you note, as in, someone passed out a box of thank-you notes to the ladies and told them they had to write me a note. Ugggg! Ok, more specific next time, I want this to be a theraputic writing exercise for THEM! Maybe I should bring in paper next time and have them write at the end of class. Then I may need to let go of the idea of collecting it, yet I do want to find a way to get to know them better. Or are some things better left unknown? TBD...

May 28, 2009.

I think it is now time to admit that my first class was an anomoly. I haven't been able to get them to move and dance and join together as a group since then! Now when I get there, I hear comments like "let's just skip the yoga stuff and go straight to the sleeping part." Well, I have read that yoga was invented to prepare the mind and body for meditation... maybe they have been through enough that they are ready to just get right to the point! But honestly, after re-reading my notes on my first day teaching, I wonder why that class was so different? It was fun, high energy, spirited, connected. My recent classes here have been much more subdued, there has been less participation in the yoga, but much more cooperation/participation in the meditation. I think that they are craving peace much more than movement.

Today the tone is very negative when I walk in, chatter discussing which is worse, the place or the people. My newest rule is cell phones have to be turned off, that earned me a few extra dirty looks. The ladies set up their mats in the large room, placing themselves about as far away from me as possible, one even put her mat under a table to hide from me. I knew I had to pull off something good to get their attention, so I took out a bag of fresh grapes. Now for our openning exercise, I walk around to each woman and hand out one grape. I tell them that we are going to do an eating meditation on the grape, and don't eat it yet, just hold it and look at it. I am feeling pretty weird as I walk around the room passing out a single grape, but I did get their attention. The ones who were planning to ignore the whole class have no choice but to participate, at least at first, since they now have a grape in their hand and all... Comments are flying around, As I get to the last group of women, one of them looks me in the eye and says "Girl, Didn't anyone tell you we are HOMELESS? Can't you spare more than just one grape?" Deep breath, ok I feel about as big as an ant for a brief moment, but luckily my I hear my voice firing right back at her "Girlfriend, you can have the whole entire bag after class is over, but right now, it's just one."

So we began our meditation on a single grape...

We concluded class with a loving kindess meditation. I heard them repeating my words, murmering to themselves...

(Starting always with yourself) May I be at peace. May I be free from harm and suffering. May my heart be open to love.

(Thinking of family, friends, loved ones) May my loved ones be at peace. May my loved ones be free from harm and suffering. May my loved ones' hearts be open to love.

(Thinking of all God's creatures, animals big and small, exotic and endangered. Thinking of all human beings, everyone we know, everyone we don't know. Rich, poor, nearby and far away) May all beings be at peace. May all beings be free from harm and suffering. May all beings be open to love.

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