More stories from the Shelter

April 2, 2009

Class tonight went well right from the start. Thankfully, since I felt pretty rotten after the last 2 classes at the shelter. It could be a tough crowd here, and the last two times I just didn't feel like I connected with them like the first time. But tonight was different. Tonight we had the big room downstairs in the church rather than being squished into their common room. In addition to the benefit of the larger space, I think change of scenery helps, getting the ladies out of the confines of the immediate shelter space. To top it off, the choir was singing angelic hymns in the background behind the partitions. What a beautiful setting to begin a class!

Why did I know this class was going to be better than the last 2? Maybe it was the big room, maybe it was the reassuring comment a lady gave me boosting my confidence after the last class, or maybe it was fact that I just came straight from visiting my dear friend who was in a car accident that crushed both of her legs. Why would this matter? Because visiting Dana reminded me how lucky we all are, that these ladies have so much to live for, that they are capable of doing so much, that life throws us all kinds of blows and we deal with them, we move forward, we carry on. These women are no less a person than me, no less a person than you. Whatever troubles had brought them there would not impede their journey tonight. If Dana’s femurs could be cemented back together, than these ladies lives can be celebrated tonight.

On the walk down, I noticed that the ladies had ‘heard’ about the yoga classes. Word had gotten around now that I have been teaching there for over a span of 3 months, even though I hadn’t been there in 3 weeks. There were only 2 familiar faces, but they were all looking forward to the class as a relief from it all. The ones that expressed their unease were quickly reassured by the others that they heard yoga makes you feel real good. I told them that the class we do here is gentle and relaxing.

The last 2 times I was there, I walked away feeling unhappy with my teaching. I knew I didn’t do the best job that I could have done. There were a few ladies that followed along well and had a great class, but I didn’t give them my full attention. I didn’t run the show enough, I got intimidated by the reluctant few, I got distracted by the ones who were forced to be there but were not open to trying it (attendance is mandatory for all women in the shelter). I didn’t know how to deal with their unconcealed disregard for my instructions. I made a rule that “The only requirement of class is that you Breathe.” Sort of like a yoga joke, but I don’t think they even heard me say this. The standing poses went the worst, with only about 4 out of 14 even standing! I felt like the rest were just staring at me thinking there ain’t no way you are gonna get me to do any of that. But even the reluctant ones participated in the relaxation at the end, many of them falling asleep.

My shift in perspective occurred at the end of my previous class. It was a comment from the woman who I felt was my biggest critic, she sat directly in front of me staring (it felt like sneering!) at me the whole time but blatantly not doing a single thing. At the end, she came up to me and asked “When are you coming back?” I said in a few weeks. Then, her miracle reply, “Well I think you should come twice a week because this class was really good for us, we really needed that.” What??!!! You mean you actually enjoyed it? You didn’t DO any of it! You just stared at me making me feel like I was on display, you made me feel like I was demonstrating a yoga class rather than leading it. You were the one who made me second guess everything I was doing! Wait a second, was she teaching me a lesson here? Is it possible to do yoga by osmosis? One of the themes of my regular classes this week was ‘seeing the value in Being as greater than the value of doing’. Maybe that is what this lady was showing me? She did not feel the need to do the poses, for whatever her reason that night, but she still felt a part of the yoga itself. Maybe somehow she was able to connect with her body, slow down the chatter, take some time to rejuvenate herself without the movement, just with her presence.

As I left last time I thought to myself, well, if I had known some of my critics might have been enjoying class and getting something out of it, it sure would have been a lot easier! And that is a major reason why class went so well tonight. I just knew, in my bones and in my heart, that this hour together was going to help these women in one way or another. If I couldn’t reach them with the movements, then I could reach them with words. If I couldn’t reach them with words, they would feel the change of energy in the room as the others relaxed. They would feel the music, they would maybe even consider participating next time. Even if they were not listening to every word I said, they would hear the words “Peace, relax, enjoy, let go, nurture yourself, take this time for you, soften, release the tension, breathe, soothe, ground, melt, love” and so on.

So I walked in calm and happy, smiles and hellos, chatting with anyone who approached, asking lots of permission such as “is it ok if I dim the lights a little bit?” I learned last time that one lady left because the lights were too low, she told me after class that she had to leave because she is afraid of the dark. I wasn’t going to make that mistake twice. I didn’t want to do anything to them. I wanted this whole class to be about feeling in control of their body, not creating more fear. I asked if the music was ok, if everyone felt comfortable in their space, if the lavender spray was ok. I walked around and talked directly to those who were not sitting intently ready to start. I told each one that it is ok if they need to sit in a chair or lie on the ground (basically giving them permission to do what they are already doing since I knew that I probably couldn’t convince them to do otherwise at this point anyway!). I told them that most importantly they needed to listen to their bodies, I was there to give suggestions. If I say to close your eyes and you are not comfortable closing your eyes, that’s ok. It’s all ok. You do what you can. You are not here to prove yourself to anyone, we are here to improve ourselves.

Once we settled down and I finished by little speech of comfort, I asked them all to close their eyes and tune into their bodies and see where they could feel tension. Then we went around the room one by one saying out loud where we think we hold the most tension in our bodies. This was my sneaky way of forcing participation, and it worked! Once the 2 chatterboxes in the back who were playing with their cellphones said out loud that they hold tension in their backs and neck, they couldn’t help but want to do something about it. And so we began, slowly addressing each body part mentioned, breathing through the tension, softening around it. The class became somewhat interactive, and I think that helped hold them there, keeping them present.

The spraying of the lavender is the most comical part. At the beginning of relaxation I walk around asking each one if they want to be sprayed, every single one says yes, sticking their faces out, I can see by the looks on their faces that they are swept away into another time and place with the scent. Almost all of them ask for more, and I’m happy to oblige.

There was a lady who participated eagerly in the entire class, but when she lied down for savasana, she looked very crooked and I asked her if she could straighten out. She gave me a look like she didn’t understand me, so I asked if I could touch her, and she was fine with my adjustments. After class was over she thanked me, and proceeded to tell me that she doesn’t understand much English and that is why she wasn’t able to follow my instruction at the end. Another wake up call for me, how could I have not before suspected that there could be people in class who don’t speak English!

One lady got a phone call from her husband while we were setting up, she snuck out for a few minutes to take the call, after class was over she told me that her husband was yelling at her because he was home alone dealing with all this shit and here she is getting ready to take a yoga class, saying what is she on a vacation or something? Some homeless shelter! Well it may have made him angry or jealous that she was having a chance to take time for herself, but the idea of doing yoga making it feel more like a spa than a homeless shelter for that hour was a theme I would continue to hear from the women, and I love it! I heard another woman bragging about how she can’t wait to tell all her friends that she got to do yoga.

The woman with the most soothing ocean breath seemed so willing at the start to relax and do all the gentle stretches, but after the first active pose (warrior 2), she lied down on the floor and didn’t get up again until class was over. My erroneous judgment assumed she was not willing to do anything that required effort, but after class she told me she thinks she may have fibromyalgia and is in a lot of pain and is not sure how to deal with it.

The sweet young girl with the bright blue eyes was doing advanced yoga poses when I gave them freedom to move on their own. She was so excited to get a chance to do yoga again, she was very proud of her yoga and pilates experience, and it seemed like the class made her feel like her regular peppy self again. I can’t wait to read her words next week when I go back.

I asked the ladies after class this week if they would be willing to write up something for me. I didn't give them specific instructions, just a vague suggestion to write something about the yoga class or whatever they wanted to share with me, anonymously. I am hoping at least a few of them actually did it. I plan to continue to ask for this after each class, as a way for me to get to know the women better, in a general sense, and see how I may be able to reach them more in the future. I want their feedback to see what works, if they have any suggestions, and also to give them a feeling of helping others (me in this case), which they did seem eager to do as a display of gratitude for the class. I don't care if they just write one word, or if what they write doesn't end up having anything to do with yoga, it's all good and will all be useful to me in getting a better understanding of how to connect with them.

Continue reading more stories at the shelter.

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